I’ve been having a hard time writing lately because I’ve been having a hard time. I struggle to find any inspiration when things feels as bad as they do. I cannot write about how it is going to be okay because on a lot days I am not so sure. I cannot talk about hope because on some days I have none. There are not many stable, honest things I can hinge my hope on except for the knowledge that He is with me in it and He is doing something good here.
Today I was reading a book about the Bible and the chapter I landed on met me right where I’m at. It might take a lot of summarizing to bring this point home so stay with me. First, the author pulled out Bible verses about God bringing unity to all things, reconciling all things, retelling and renewing all things. In the very beginning of Ephesians it states that it brings God pleasure to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. All things. All.things. The word used for bringing unity in Greek means to bring things together under one head. It is translated sometimes to recapitulate and a synonym for this is to retell.
The author wrote about the Bible being a retelling of The Story. Often when we retell stories we don’t leave out the bad parts. In fact the negatives are often the focal points. We retell embarrassing stories or stories of inconveniences emphasizing the negative parts. Often what made the situation hard at the time, makes the story worthy of retelling now. When you retell a story it brings shines the negative in a new light. It brings the good and bad together to make a story worth telling.
The authors point here was that God can do this with the history of the world but He can do it in the stories of our lives too. This is what God is doing in our world. He is retelling every story, every hard thing, every single thing in heaven and earth. It will all be put back together.
My story. All of these bad parts. It will be retold and it will be told in a light which renews, restores and reconciles everything that hurts.
This hard. This pain. He is in it. He is bringing all things together. He will take what causes pain and heartache now and write a story bigger and more magnificent than I could ever conjure up.
There is hope in the pain, a point to everything I have walked through—the sexual assault, the eating disorder, the self-harm, the bipolar disorder. All of it.
A painful, silencing and haunting sexual assault—how striking would it be if He could make something beautiful out of something so ugly? Hurting myself physically in a poor attempt to end emotional pain—what if He could retell this in a way that brings good? The part of my story I struggle the most with is the Bipolar Disorder. A mental illness in which one out of every five people will end their lives because of it. I know four other people with this mental illness. Statistically, one of us will not be able to withstand the destructive pain it causes. Even that, even an illness so destructive, a statistic so sad—how wonderful would it be if he could renew this and reconcile it for His good? This is the best part, He is already doing it. He is already working in all of this. He will retell all of these stories and He will retell them in a new light, a light that glorifies His goodness. It will put back together what I feel is in pieces. What makes the situation hard now is what will make the story worth telling in the end.
There are not many things I have hope in right now but I have hope in Him. I have hope in His love. And while I cannot see it all of the time, I have faith in His plan. He is up to good. He has plans that will be accomplished and will bring unity to all things ugly and hard.
As I live this story it feels pointless but His promise is to retell it. To renew it. To reconcile it. It will all come together for His purposes and it will be beautiful.
Until then, I will rest in His steadfast love and protection. He is good and I am His.