Our wedding is rapidly approaching and I am in the thick of wedding planning. And by “in the thick of wedding planning” I mean that I am actively avoiding making any decisions until my frustrated Maid of Honor forces me to. It’s going great.
Going into the planning process, I SWORE to myself I would NOT become a bridezilla. Low key, low maintenance, lots of food and all of our friends. That’s what I want from my wedding. I do not want my bridesmaids burning their fingers on hot glue late into the night trying to put together burlap centerpieces. I want them enjoying and celebrating with me and besides, have you ever tried to hot glue burlap? You might as well shred the burlap and roll around in it because the effect is the same. Maybe I am cynical or disgustingly anti-tradition but I cannot help but roll my eyes at 90% of the wedding related things I come across. For your enjoyment, here are my unsolicited thoughts on wedding planning. (So far. I am sure there will be more. Not that you asked.)
- Mason jars. All of the freaking mason jars. What did people drink out of at weddings before mason jars?
- If I hear the word etiquette one more time I may scream. There’s an etiquette for literally everything. There’s an etiquette for filling out envelopes. It’s an envelope. I will put your name on it and I give it to you. You should open it without any notice of the outside writing. Haven’t we long since established that it’s what is on the inside that counts anyway? If you get offended about the way I address your envelope, I am not sure I want you to come to the wedding anymore. Or maybe you could help me with the planning because you clearly have boatloads of extra time to examine my envelopes.
- I can’t with Pinterest. Who the heck are these brides that have enough time to hot glue handmade burlap flowers and put together montages of childhood photo with correlating table number and age? Are you stay-at-home fiancés? Is wedding planning your sole obligation right now? Do you sleep? Do you have time to plan my wedding too?
- I am over the details too. What length are the dresses? Will the flower girls stand the whole time or sit down? Whose side will they sit on? Will the grooms come out of the groom’s room or walk down the aisle? Oh my goodness, I just want to say “I Do” and eat BBQ with my family.
- There is a job for everything. There is a position for “Guest Book Attendant” Why does my guest book need attended to or who am I inviting to my wedding that they don’t know how to sign a book? On second thought, I can think of a few guests who may take an unattended book as an invitation to draw oddly shaped, anatomically incorrect male parts all over the pages. Guest book attendant? We’ll have 3.
- I have one thing to say about that weird garter tradition where Steve reaches up my dress in front of 200 of our closest friends: No.
- Upsell. EVERYONE TRIES TO UPSELL. Save-the-date postcards? WHY, WHEN YOU CAN HAVE SAVE-THE-DATE PILLOWS OR PENS OR BAGS FOR A MERE $199.99?
- Shout out to whoever came up with the whole wedding registry idea. That’s the most fun Steve and I have ever had. We registered for two giant beach towels with pictures of bacon on them (and we are 100% serious about wanting them)
- Also, even bigger shout out to the genius who came up with the smores bar idea. That is definitely the thing I am most looking forward to about my wedding day.
In all honesty, wedding planning is fun. I adore my fiancé. My Maid of Honor and Matron of honor are both saints and I cannot wait for June 17th.